YEAR RECAP || 2022







 I feel I should start this recap where last year's left off; the manifestation that "by this time next year, I will be living my dreams" purely because I am. The first half of the year, up until May was brutal, dehumanizing and deeply traumatizing. I was still in the hostile workplace which for about a year and a half managed to drain every fiber of my being and where towards the end my employer reduced my income out of spite, a violent and humiliating action. It was around that time that I had actively started looking for a new job and I ended up landing the position I currently have, in a different industry which has a ton of things to teach me. Further to that, I was incredibly happy to become part of a team that respects me, acknowledges my potential which makes me want to get better at what I do and most importantly -a team that has my back. After I signed with the new company, and after countless months of being constantly on survival mode, I was able to lie down and actually rest instead of dissociating. It was then I realized how grateful I was for the little girl who survived for two years so that I'd be able to thrive.

It was also around that time that I was offered my very first tour, scheduled to take place in the Fall of 2022. I don't even know which stars aligned for this but I'm forever grateful that one of my favorite artists wanted to "give opportunities to kick-ass womxn" and put their faith on me despite my inexperience in a touring environment. The tour itself was a fantastic experience that taught me valuable lessons and brought new people into my life. There's not enough time for me to get into specifics about everything that went down during those two weeks, but what really stood out was that even in these new friendships everyone had each other's back. I treasure the times I got to do stage makeup for my touring family and paint their nails, our impromptu parties (even when we got in trouble afterwards), the deep conversations we had, almost getting arrested in The Netherlands and how promptly people took action when someone touched me without consent at one of the shows. I am really looking forward to embarking on new adventures next year and return to the road.

And while new people crashed into my life, others had to be forcibly removed for the sake of my sanity. If there's one thing this year cemented, was to trust my gut, intuition never lies. If you see red flags in any type of relationship, treat them as such and leave at once, don't wait for things to get bad or serious and most importantly; never let someone get too comfortable with disrespecting you. You don't need any more unhealthy coping mechanisms and a drier sense of humor as a result of all that, trust me. 

Returning to the creative side, my burnout was finally dissolved, which allowed me to enjoy listening to music again. Circumstances also brought me back to the black metal sounds that I grew up listening to and had always provided me with comfort. I'm not sure when exactly I got so infatuated with hardcore punk that I hopped scenes, but I'm definitely eager to catch up. This has also shifted my attention to the shows/festivals I had my eyes on. In November, after months of debating, I was able to attend Damnation festival in Manchester, which was a post/death/doom metal heaven. I got to catch up with friends and enjoy lots of noisemakers -and witness Converge write history performing "Jane Doe" in tis entirety, even though I'm not a fan, how cool was that? 

I was also able to cross a thing off my bucket list and work with my favorite band, Epica, on their Greek festival date. My inner fangirl was having multiple strokes that day and I couldn't be more grateful for their trust. Admittedly, my excitement took a small blow when I saw that they didn't have their usual stage production nor pyros but I was determined to do the best I could. I'm more than satisfied with the pictures I turned in, and seeing them being reposted felt truly gratifying.

Finally, 2022 was also the year that I embraced and got a new-found love for my body. Granted, some days are better than others, but after years of being cruel to myself, I'm finally growing more comfortable in my skin and the feeling is unrivaled.

I don't think I want to end this recap with words of wisdom, but with one more manifestation like last year: I am worth a lot and I will achieve everything. If you made it to the end of this text, thank you and I appreciate your time. I wish 2023 brings us all more joy, love and compassion. 

As always, be kind to each other.

xo, 
Elnr


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